Using blog mobile is hard

An update for you... it's been a while

Ok where to begin.... well it has been a while I had a baby boy his name is John Paul Perry the 2nd. he was born Sept 17 2009 he was 8lbs 1 oz and was born at GBMC at 2:49 pm. i was induced and was in labor for 9 hours and pushed for a half an hour. He's growing fast and doing well and laughs a lot more then kenzie did. Mckenzie is getting older but not really getting any bigger shes about 20 months and only weights 22lbs she never wants to eat. Shes really smart saying a lot of words and she has an attitude all her own.

My husband ,Paul, is going to Afghanistan in 2 weeks hes leaving Jan 4th. Its going to be hard having to deal with that and still take care of my kids. They'll get me through it and help me to stay strong they need me and that's all I live for. Even though Paul and I haven't been getting along very well lately I love him and still don't want to see him go. I'll be fine i have a good support system at home and have a lot of friends and family who love me. I do really worry about him dieing because lets be honest that is a possibility. I don't know what i would do if Paul died i would want to die myself hes all Ive known for almost 10 years. But again I would stay strong for my kids they need me more then i need myself... if that makes sense. on a funny note Ive been telling him to be careless at work and break something lol. thinking about it makes me cry so I'm done typing about that part of my life.

I started this bog to get things off of my chest. I've had a lot to talk about but i have been so busy with my little ones its been hard. I'm honestly not even sure people even read this. But it helps me get my feelings out and let people know how i feel if they do read it.

Ive been watching Hoarders lately I see a lot of myself in some of these people. I to don't like to get rid of my things and always think someone can use them or i could sell them. Its almost scary I would probably live like that if Paul didn't keep me in check and throw things away behind my back. although I really do wonder how people can live in complete filth. Keeping things of value is one thing but keeping trash is odd. There was a lady in here that kept rotting food or poop. yuck. I'm a messy person and my husband hates it and is always telling me he's going to leave me one day because I don't clean. even though i messy however I would never let my house get so filthy that I was stepping over the trash and couldn't see the floor.

I want to go back to school in the fall and take general courses I'm 24 years old and still have no idea what I want to do. right now I'm a stay at home mom and I love it. however my biggest fear in life is dieing unsuccessful and I feel if I died tomorrow that what I would be doing. My problem is I'm very lazy and I don't really follow through with things and I don't work as hard as I should.

Ok I think I'm done for right now, hopefully I'll do better with keeping up with this. If I knew people did read this Imight do better with it haha